September 26, 2011 was a day we had anticipated for weeks as it was our first ultrasound, and we hoped to find out if we were having a little boy or little girl. We had names chosen for both genders {even though we were very suspicious that we were having a baby girl} and were hoping to start envisioning nursery colors and ideas by the end of the morning. Our appointment was scheduled early; and although the check-in process always seemed to take some time, the ultrasound itself went quite quickly. We enjoyed watching our tiny baby on the screen while the sonographer took several pictures, confirmed our suspicions that we were having a girl, and then left the room for a while as she wanted me to walk and move around in an attempt to get Noelle into a different position so she could get the other pictures she needed. In retrospect, I believe she was gone for such a long time consulting with the doctor on her findings; but we were oblivious to any hint of concern, being completely engrossed in talking and dreaming about our little girl. Upon the sonographer's return, we discovered that Noelle had not budged at all, so we were given a few printed pictures and shown to the waiting room until we could meet with the doctor and discuss the results. I remember being disappointed that I was given only a few pictures {since I had friends with refrigerators full of ultrasound photos} but figured it was due to Noelle's position and did not think much of it beyond that. After some time, which we spent texting family and friends our exciting news, we were taken to the doctor's office to discuss our baby's progress. The next moments would bring heartbreaking news and change the course of our lives forever as the doctor informed us that they were seeing multiple "soft markers" in Noelle's measurements along with some other concerning signs, and they needed to schedule us for a high resolution ultrasound with a high risk specialist to get a more clear picture of exactly what was happening in our pregnancy. The doctor gave us a lot of information but kept things pretty vague overall, since they honestly had no idea what we were facing. The one thing they basically {although not concretely} ruled out was Down Syndrome, leaving us with more unanswered questions than we ever thought possible.
We left the office with the assurance that someone would call us shortly to schedule the next appointment and instructions to stay off the internet for information as much as possible. As we sat in the car for a moment, I think the shock began to settle into our minds; and Tom took my hand and began to pray, and our tears began to flow. We loved this little baby, Noelle Christine, with all of our hearts and were so grieved that she might face major challenges in her life. At the time, we did not consider a fatal condition, although it had been mentioned as a possibility. We drove away, and I began letting close family and friends know the uncertain news and asking them to pray. Almost immediately, my best friend, Sue Shaw, contacted me back and asked if we wanted to have lunch together, understanding if we wanted some time alone together but also wanting to be there for us if we wanted to talk to someone. She was nearly nine months pregnant with her second little boy, and we were all looking forward to the impending arrival of this little one. Tom and I decided it would be nice to see her and Alex {her first little boy}, and even though she was being monitored for some early signs of Preeclampsia that she was experiencing, she dropped everything and came to meet us for lunch. It was a sweet time of fellowship and encouragement as she just listened to us explain what we had been told {which was not much at the time} and then talked through a little bit of what we were thinking and feeling. Tom and I were processing things differently, but ultimately we knew that God was in control of the situation, regardless of how things felt in the moment. Sue offered to let our church elders know the situation, and I gladly and thankfully agreed {since contrary to what the blog now suggests, I am actually a very private person who prefers to share one-on-one and have had to learn to become more open on a much larger scale, due to our situation this past year}. As we parted ways for the day, she assured us of her love and prayers and made sure we knew that she and Aaron {her husband} were available to us any time of the day or night that we might need them for anything. As I look back on that day, one year ago, the memories are so vivid that it truly seems like it happened only this morning. However, today is different because my baby girl is sleeping in her cradle, and a blog full of posts exists with evidence of a hard fought journey since that day. I am incredibly grateful as I look at the blessing which I hold in my arms today, but I am also reminded of the blessing of my dear friend, Sue. She was a great friend before all of this began; but since that time, she has proved her steadfastness, her faithfulness, her love, and so much more as she has sought to demonstrate Christ-likeness to us in a multitude of ways. She and Aaron have never failed to be there for any need we have expressed {and even many we have not voiced}; and while there are many in our church body who have also faithfully and lovingly been there for many of our needs, Sue and Aaron are always the first ones we call. Words could never express our thankfulness to God for bringing them into our lives, and we are ever grateful to Him that we are now looking back on a year full of much learning and drawing closer to Him. His grace has truly been sufficient for it all.
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| ~One Year Later...with Our "Huge" 9lb. 4oz. Little Girl~ |
