Cruising Speed

~Styling in my new helmet~

~Tiny Feet~

Although I would not trade one single day we have had with our sweet girl, the days we are now experiencing with her are ones that I wish I could bottle and keep forever.  Before now, the days were precious to us and yet often excruciating at the same time.  We have had many good days along our journey, even through the NICU and PICU at various times; but every gram/ounce was a struggle and ground was often lost in those days.  Even once we reached the point of consistent, daily weight gain, we still never touched the goal of a "normal" baby, gaining approximately an ounce per day; and one of the major things we discovered through this past PICU journey was that her heart was working so hard against the pulmonary hypertension, it was stealing all of her extra growing calories and using them to fight her increasing lung and heart problems.

~I just don't know how these things happen, Mom!~

Now that those issues are under control with continuing treatment in the forms of oxygen and medications, those calories can again be used for growth; and we are finally seeing the kind of weight gain we have been anticipating since she originally came home from the NICU, thus reaching "cruising speed."

~Someone has found their thumb!~

Yesterday at one of her appointments, she weighed 7lbs. 7 oz., and the newborn clothes are finally fitting well as she fills out.  Her developmental skills also seem to be increasing and changing daily, and the sweet smiles and little "words" are beginning to create a sense of true normalcy as we still navigate the multiple ramifications of her micro-preemie birth.

~Sitting up like a big girl~

A minor issue was also addressed this past week as the back of her head has been becoming increasingly more flat and creating pressure points, so she was fitted with a helmet that she will wear for the next four to six months.  It does not seem to bother her much at all, and our happy baby continues to thrive now that she is back home in her own surroundings.

~Playing with Daddy at the Dr. Appt.~

~With Grandpa Aguiar~

Along with her appointments, the past several days have been busy with various activities and also brought visits with several people, including her Grandpa Aguiar, who was excited to hold her for the first time.  We are incredibly grateful for the family and church family that God has given to us through the years and are so blessed by their love and support, especially through this past year.
Today, as we celebrated two years of marriage together, I thanked God for the man He has given to me to stand by my side as we walk through life.  These past two years have been filled with adventure, learning, trials, and much growing as God has used this covenant to change and mold us to become more like Him.  Through it all, Tom has been lovingly constant and faithful, and I have seen him grow and change by leaps and bounds and am so grateful for this man whom God has chosen to lead our family.  My heart is also undergoing a transformation, and it amazes me how God continues to reveal sin and change me through my spouse.  Noelle has added a completely new dimension to this life journey, making the past year feel as long as ten years at some points; but God has been faithful, and we are ever grateful for the manner in which He has chosen to glorify Himself through her tiny life.  We enjoyed some sweet reminiscing as we celebrated today; and as we treasure our many memories together, we look forward to how God will continue to work in and through our lives to make Himself known and glorified to this world.  Thank you for your continued prayers for our family as we seek to live out the covenant which we signed on that precious day, only two years ago:

Because God has ordained our love and prepared us for each other, we desire to become husband and wife.  Together we will be vessels for His service in accordance with His plan, so that in all areas of our life, Christ will have the preeminence.  Ever honoring God's guidance by His Spirit through His Word, we will live our lives first unto God, even above each other and all others.  Through the pressures of the present and uncertainties of the future, we promise to be faithful, to be loving, to honor and cherish, to strengthen and encourage, to help and to comfort, endeavoring by the grace of God to always reflect Christ's relationship with His bride, the church, for as long as we both shall live.

NICU Day 68 ~ (February 13th)

Two years ago today, Tom got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.  It was a beautiful, wintry day with snowflakes and mountains included; and while life certainly was not carefree at the time, we were filled with excitement and anticipation for the future, completely oblivious to what God had in store for us.  The past several months have been incredibly trying, and yet we have been drawn closer to God and to each other through the process.  We are not the same people, and for that I am grateful.  Not that we are better or have become more spiritual, but God has used marriage and other circumstances to reveal sin that must be forsaken, and He continues to mold us and shape us as He now uses Noelle in our lives as well as the circumstances surrounding all of us.  Do I feel drawn closer to God?  Yes.  But I am also seeing even more how wicked my heart is and how much I still need Him to change me.  While circumstances like ours are not always easy, I am thankful that God always has a purpose and that we do not go through things because of a whim.  If there is one major lesson I have learned from this, it is that I cannot go through one minute without fully relying on Christ.  You would think we would have this down by now, but no.  He continues to remind us of this fact.  This whole process has been one of waiting...waiting for the next ultrasound, the next test result, the next possible answer, etc...  Amidst all of the waiting, we really have received no human answers for "why" all of this happened.  And so the doctors warn us that this could happen again with future pregnancies or it could have been a one time occurrence.  Even after all these months of learning to wait on God and to trust Him for each step of the way, I was initially upset and disappointed to hear that there was no human explanation.  You would think that I would have learned by now that regardless of what man says, God will still have His way in our lives, and He alone will determine our paths.  But I am still a sinner, and I humanly was hoping for something "concrete" on which to hold.  But God in His good grace did not give it to me.  He has determined that we must rely on Him for every step not only with Noelle but also with possible future children.  I should be doing this anyway, but in His graciousness, He has placed us in circumstances that make us do exactly that.  It has been a very full and busy two years, and sometimes I can remember our engagement day like yesterday, but I am also very grateful for where we are now and am glad to look back and see how God has worked in our lives to this day.  Noelle had another pretty "boring" day, and we love being able to see His sovereign hand continuing to hold and guide us, knowing that He will never leave us or fail us.  What a good God we serve.