NICU Day 64 ~ (February 9th)

 ~December 8, 2011~

Nine weeks ago today, Noelle was born into this world, and as I look back on the pictures from that day, tears fill my eyes.  Tears of hope and joy; tears of grief and sorrow.  The grief and sorrow pass quickly, but they were part of the process.  No mother wants their baby to be "kicked out" of the womb, but that is exactly what happened.  Instead of being a place for her to be nurtured and to grow, it had become a hostile environment which was very quickly taking her little life.  Whether it is something like that or a completely different situation, the final result ends up being the same for most preemie mothers, and whatever the circumstances that led them there, they now are living life with their baby in the NICU.  It's not an easy road.  Each medication, each tube, each blood draw, each probe (the list is endless) is another reminder that this baby should not yet be here.  They should still be safely growing inside, oblivious to this kind of a world in which they now live.  But that isn't the case, and so I think every preemie family goes through some sort of grieving process in working through this type of situation.  However, when you believe as we do, that God is completely sovereign in all things, it puts a completely different perspective on that grief.  Instead of torturing ourselves with "why" and "how" and "what did we do wrong" or "what should we have done differently," we can rest instead in the knowledge that God had Noelle's birth date and method planned before the dawn of time.  Knowing that He is the Sustainer of her life, whether she is in the womb or not, brings an incredible comfort to our hearts, and nothing we could have planned or done would have changed the events of nine weeks ago.

 ~February 9, 2012~

And so enters the hope and joy.  I think ours was magnified simply because we did not even expect to reach a day in which she had a chance at life.  We knew all things were possible with God, and yet we did our best to rest in His sovereign plan as He revealed it to us bit by bit.  With one small cry a moment after she was born, hope filled our hearts like never before, and we dared to dream what life might be like with our tiny miracle.  In many ways, that day seems like yesterday, and in other ways the last nine weeks feel like an eternity.  Sometimes I cannot seem to remember what "normal" life is like, but that does not sadden me.  I am so incredibly grateful for this ever changing new "normal" and am very excited for the continuing changes that are to come.  Our little girl is doing so much better than anyone ever thought or imagined would be possible.  Yes, there is still a lot to overcome, but God continues to show Himself faithful, and we stand in awe of Him as we watch this miracle unfold before our eyes.  Thank you for being a part of that with us and continually bringing us before His throne.